Fragile
by Acari
Summary: Kyle's feelings for Tess after Departure.


Fragile  
  
by: ghani (ghaniblue@yahoo.de)  
  
Rating: R  
  
Category: Kyle POV  
  
Spoiler: WAF up to Departure  
  
Summary: What is Kyle feeling towards Tess shortly after "Departure"?  
  
Disclaimer: I don't hold the Copyright for "Roswell". I borowed the storytitle from Sting.  
  
Author's note: I wrote this piece mere seconds after "We Are Family", beeing spoiled can be torture.  
  
Warning: I'm no native so don't blame me for my rusty english. Hey, I try. This is basically a translation from my german story. The original version can be found here http://www.among-us.de  
  
Feedback: Oh yes, pretty please! I appreciate every comment to improve my writing.  
  
written 22.09.2001  
  
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Everything you said was a lie. I know you believed in it with every fibre of your heart but it was still a lie.  
  
You didn't tell how you lay awake at night haunted by dreams. Did you think I didn't notice, did you really think I were that blind.  
I know you, Tess. True, I don't know what your demons whisper in your dreams but I do know their names- Nasedo and Ava.  
They were your ghosts. They were the ones chasing after you, waiting for you. The moment you were weak enough they got you, got you under control again.  
You always believed you were stronger `cause you could control your powers better than the others, `cause only you had access to the buried memories, but this was your infinite weakness. Did you sometimes even if it was only for a second wonder if everything you thought to remember was true? If Ava or your earlier life was true, if Zan and you ever existed together? Oh, you don't need to answer me Tess. I know what you would say.  
You told me everything about your destiny. You were talking about all this crap for nights and nights till my ears bleed.  
What the hell did you expect from me? To tell you: "Go ahead, Tess, this is your destined path. Love him even if it kills you."  
Didn't you know that he would never love you the way you deserve it. No, you didn't see it, did you? You never wanted to see it.  
  
I'd really like to blame Max. Believe me I'd love to walk up to him look him straight into his oh so royal face and tell him: "It is all your fault, Max. You did this to her, you pushed her this far."  
But it would be a lie. Whatever you did, it was you - neither Max, nor Nasedo nor Ava. It was you, Tess. And this is the problem here, you never understood that. It was impossible for you to be Tess, just Tess.  
You couldn't simply be the girl who loved Christmas so much. Don't deny it, I've seen you, you were sparkling with joy. If you could have seen yourself through my eyes then, if you could have seen how much you meant to me and my Dad, maybe everything would have turned out differently. So maybe I'm wrong here and I probably couldn't have done anything about it, `cause you've seen it. Tess, you must have felt it. Come on, I know it's true.  
  
So, how the hell could you do this? How could you do this to us, to me?  
Fuck, you made me carry Alex' dead body. Alex was my friend. You've messed up my mind and didn't care. Did you care? Tell me, was it even a little bit hard for you. Damnit, answer me!  
You've lived in my house, you were a part of my family, I loved you like a sister.  
  
Was it worth the prize? Did you get what you wanted?  
You gave up everything for a world you didn't even know, for some dreams which were more real to you than your life here on earth, your life here with me.  
I curse you for sounding like a lovesick idiot for I can not hate you. And I want to hate you, Tess, I really want to.  
Was everything a lie? Was the Tess I thought I knew a lie? Because you know, you're still my favorite Martian. Yes Tess, you kill my friend, you rip my heart from my body, you ruin everybody around you and still...  
Did you really believe you would get away with it? Did you really believe everything would turn out like you planed it? Have you had a plan or was Alex' dead just a stupid little accident, a mishap?  
  
You've seen us griefing, have seen Liz searching for Alex' murderer - for you. What did you feel, was it to any interest to you?  
You've seen our world tumbeling down on our heads. Did you care, did it even touch your own little dreamworld the merest bit?  
No, you've seen Max fighting with his own weakness and you took advantage of it. You never knew when to stop. "Nasedo would be so proud of you." Your world was never earth. For a brief moment you've allowed yourself beeing human, allowed yourself having a family, a brother.  
But your destiny interfered, Ava interfered.  
  
I've heard you talking in your sleep at night. So very often did I lay awake when you jerked awake in panic, not knowing where you were, when you sat lost in your room, mumuring. I've seen the look in your eyes everytime Max turned to Liz and not to you.  
I feared for you so much, Tess, but I never thought I should be afraid of you. I once told you I wanted to protect you. Do you remember? I was serious then. You were my sister. But what I realized just now is, I never really had a chance against you.  
If Max hadn't stopped me in the Granolith-chamber I don't know what I had done to you. But this isn't important anymore.  
  
You took away my nephew, you took away my friend, you took away my sister.  
I hate you, Tess.  
I love you, Tess.  
I hope you're happy in the world you've chosen to live in. 


End file.
